Here are two messages from two girls:
I don’t have an interesting story to tell. I don’t even know whether I’ll keep living as LGBT or whether I’ll bring up children in a heterosexual family. In any case, it won’t happen any time soon. Right now all I know is that we exist and that we aren’t alone.
And maybe, most importantly, everything will definitely turn out fine. Of course, it won´t be like in a fairy tale – but there will definitely be a happy end. The most important thing is to keep believing and living.
Маshа, 15 years old
Hello. I’m Alya. Unlike Masha, I have a story to tell. Not a long story, not a complete story, but it’s a story nonetheless.
I can’t exactly say when I realised that I wasn’t attracted to guys. I even dated one, but I soon understood that our relationship was… artificial. That’s to say, I didn’t have any feelings for him – apart from friendship. That’s the reason we broke up. Back then (about one year ago) all my peers were already dating their tenth guy and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be like that. I was terribly afraid that I was an emotionless creature who would never fall in love.
It happened in the autumn of last year. I fell in love with a girl. From the same class at school. It’s strange. We’d been studying together for seven years, but I had been blind. It was as if I’d completely been lost in thought about finding ‘that one guy for me’. But the problem was that for me it had to be that ‘one girl’.
Oddly enough, I realized it in a pretty normal manner: no hysterics, no thoughts that I was ‘just not normal’. On the contrary, I felt comfortable in my own skin.
Last year will always be imprinted in my memory. That was the year when I understood for the first time who I am. I fell in love for the first time. The girl still doesn’t know that I have feelings for her. I hope that soon I’ll pluck up the courage to tell her.
I was really… no, REALLY lucky with my friends and acquaintances. The people I trusted with this information accepted me, and I’m unmeasurably grateful. You see, they’re not even my best friends I just burst out one time and told them why I had been so upset recently. I felt rejected and broken. I knew how those kinds of people are perceived. As a result, I was surprised when they told me… ´just stop being upset and start hoping´.
Hope. Hope is the thing all LGBT people need, all children 404. It’s this hope that will stop them jumping off the roof, cutting their wrists and swallowing pills. The hope that there are people out there who will accept you.
It’s possible that I haven’t stumbled across homophobes yet because I’ve been keeping my sexual orientation secret. But I have something to say to all those who are putting up with pain and humiliation in order to be themselves: we exist. We exist and we are part of a whole. LGBT – doesn’t just mean a society. LGBT – is the biggest family out there, that isn’t bound by blood. And children 404 – is part of this family. A family, where they will always help you. A family which will always show you how to make the right decision. A family where they will always understand you, love you and comfort you.
Аlya, 15 years old
[This translation was done by Daniel Colm]