I used to hide my orientation

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I used to hide my orientation, laugh at those ‘wrong’ people along with my friends, even though I considered myself a lesbian. I tried to casually start conversations about same-sex marriages with my mum and dad, but it all boiled down to mum saying that ‘They are sick! Thank God you’re normal!’ (But no, I am not – according to her opinion…) Dad was more tolerant. He is negative only to gays, but that’s understandable – kern!

I didn’t face any cruelty from my peers, just a lack of understanding. I decided to start opening up. Told my best friend. We continued to hang around together, but I often heard from her that it is wrong, it’s all a delusion and I need to find a boyfriend. Cause that what is right!

Slowly it all calmed down and I decided to take some more action. I got to year 10 at school. There were new people there. I opened up. If I was asked about my personal life I calmly replied that I have a girlfriend. I faced more misunderstanding. But , as the saying goes, get used to it, get loved more. They got used to me, now most are calm about it.

I am at the end of year 11 now; am always standing up for LGBT rights against our teachers. Their favourite argument is: ‘We’ll all die out if the gays get their freedom’. That’s ridiculous! Or this one: ‘Girls become lesbians because they are ugly!’. Those primitive opinions just amuse me.

The only hing is – I cannot tell my family, I have to hide, so my mum doesn’t find out. I would be silent while I am dependant on her. But I would like to get some understanding from my mother, I am afraid to lose her if she turns away from me. What about my family? I love them dearly and I cannot imagine my life without them! I think they’ll understand me if they love me.

I am not silent – I am speaking out. I exist, I am not a victim of propaganda. I am human, and my orientation does not make me a mutant or an error of nature.

Е.Е.

 

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